You're being Called....

I wrote this blog on 01.05.11 however, I need this reminder RIGHT now...right where I am in my life and in my career. I have decisions I need to make, choices I need to consider while still being patient so I can hear from God.....Here's my reminder of what I need to do. Hope it helps you out.

 The Call of Abram

You were made for more than this. How many times have you heard this phrase? How many times have you told yourself this phrase or told someone else this?

Genesis 12: 1-3 (NLT)

1  The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you. 2 I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others. 3 I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you.”

The Lord is calling you to do some magnificent things. When you've been called to do those things, it's lonely. This verse right here summarizes it. "Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father's family, and go to the land that I will show you." You were called to leave and to go where God is showing you. It may not be a different physical location. He may be asking you to leave your family in a sense where everyone has traditionally chosen a similar path. Also notice that he doesn't say "go to _____." He says "go to the land that I WILL show you." God is paving the way for you. If you are still and obedient yet swift to follow his directions, He's going to give you your calling.

If you are in a position where you feel you are “made for more than this” you are exactly right, you are. God is calling you to go to the land that HE WILL SHOW YOU, not the path you have designed and desired in your mind.

When doing the work you’ve been called to do, keep these things in mind:

1.      It’s lonely. God told Abram, leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family. Imagine the loneliness. You will be around people who are you not familiar with. Family brings a sense of closeness and comfort. They are usually people who have made you feel loved and wanted. They are usually the people who have molded you into the person you are today. Family relations are very vital to shaping our beliefs and the core person we are. So to leave that familiar place is going to be very lonely. It’ll be lonely in the sense that we won’t physically have them if we are called to move to a different geographic location. But it will also be lonely if God touches our heart to leave our family in a “tradition” sense. Oftentimes we have set traditions/rituals as a family. God may be telling you to leave that tradition and cling to his that he will provide you. It’ll also be lonely if you’ve always wanted to “follow in your father’s footsteps” or if your family is known for success in a particular area or profession. So in addition to being lonely physically, there is also the chance where socially you’ll feel alone.

2.      Leaving your comfort zone. When God called Abram to leave, it not only was going to be lonely but he was going to leave his comfort zone. If you’ve had your entire life mapped out, imagine stepping out on faith. It’s something that seems unfamiliar. It’s not comfortable to you. However in order for God to work and do great things, we must step out of what’s comfortable to us to follow his lead. Since God knows all, he will prepare us for things that our natural mind can’t even comprehend. Well to do so, we have to be willing to leave what we feel is natural or comfortable. A good way to think of this is it’s often uncomfortable when we grow, even physically. Imagine keeping a 5 year old in an infant carseat. When the child is an infant, the child fits comfortably in the carseat. But as that child grows, their childseat should grow to a booster seat. Think of the carseat as your environment or surroundings. You are not in the same carseat as you continue to grow. Imagine how uncomfortable it would be to be 5 years old sitting in an infant seat.

3.      Exercise faith. We will have to step out in faith to do what God is telling us to do. If we know everything, then how are we allowing God to show us? Exercise your faith when your family, friends, coworkers or just people in general tell you that “it sounds crazy.” If God has directed you, let it “sound crazy” to them. No one but God has 20/20 vision of what your life and future will hold. He has promised to make you a great nation but there are some things you will have to do to receive it.

4.      There will be requirements. God is going to require you to do certain things to receive his blessings. If you remain steadfast and prayerful and obedient to what he ask, you will be rewarded.

5.      Be patient. God is not going to work on your timeline. As much as you desire it, it’s not going to happen. God has a bird’s eye of the entire process. You are working in one part. So you may feel like it’s taking forever and a day however if you remain patient, then God will bring it all together so that it’ll work out how he said.

6.      You are NOT in control. Things are not as though they appear. God tells us that he’s going to bless those who bless us and curse those who curse us. What he also does is uses our “tests” to become the foundation for our testimony. It is not for you to avenge who has tried to sabotage you. It is your job to walk away and allow God to deal with them. Notice he didn’t say “I’m going to let you defeat those who curse you.” Allow God to do what he needs to do to position you where you need to be. In addition, if your mind is consumed with paying back the person who cursed you, then you’ve lost focus on what you’ve been called to do. You need to remain focused.

7.      Remain focused. Let the main thing be the main thing. God is using you for his good to direct you to your calling. Don’t be distracted by the little things. Your attention and focus will be beneficial so that you can truly enjoy where God takes you.

God wants to bless you. Jeremiah 29:11 states “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV)” God has already planned out your future. He wants to bless you, give you a great future, give you hope and bless you to be great. If we fail, it’s not because God’s plan was a failure. I’m sure the flawed area is somewhere where we didn’t do our part. Most of the time when we didn’t do our part, we were busy trying to do God’s part. In every part we have been designed to play, we have to do what we’re called to do. Once we master that, God’s promises of greatness and a hopeful future will manifest.

Prayer: Lord, I know that I’m anxious for my greatness you’ve called me to do. Please forgive me and speak to my heart to remind me that I have to do what I’ve been told to do and remember you are God. I realize I need to position myself where you ask and I just ask that you give me the strength to endure what I have to be where you want me to be. Please forgive me for any sins that I’ve committed. Thank you for the chance to do your will and thank you for the blessings you’ve given. Amen.

Life Lessons....

It's easier for me to believe in it for you than it is me. it's easier for me to see your dream come true rather than believe mine will. I don't know why. maybe after all the hurt and disappointment, I still have faith in God but not in myself. maybe b/c I know all the things I've done....good and not so good. maybe it's because I'm overly critical of myself and because I don't measure up to my own high a** standards I don't feel that I'll ever reach that "aaaaahhhhhhh, I've made it" moment.

I see people in love and think "I want that." Then I remember what I've been thru with this so called "love" thing and shudder at what could possibly happen next. If anyone tries to get close to me at all, I run. Like full fledge run faster than Marion Jones and never look back. I feel this anxiety rise up from the depths of my stomach and travel up to my heart. My heart starts pounding and then in my brain, I formulate every reason why it won't work. I become immobilized with fear at the idea of being that open and transparent with someone again. Again. Not again. I'm a tad bit of a control freak. I like to know it's a safe risk. I need to KNOW and feel with every fiber that I can trust you and be safe....but who can do that? I mean, everyone has ulterior motives.

Ever had someone run amok with your feelings? Huh? Ever look up and say where am I? How could I get so far off from who I was....well, who I thought I was? Then see that person completely manipulate every good virtue that you have? I mean, it's one thing to think it...but when you watch it. Talk about hurtful. It literally is an out of body experience. 

It's hard. You start to make progress and then these feelings come rushing back. At what point have I conquered this? What lesson is God bringing me back for? Well, in my case, I feel like it has to be LESSONS and not A LESSON. 

But....I want to learn. I look at my son and how much faith he has in me. How this child thinks every man would want his mother b/c I'm "so pretty, hot,gorgeous and beautiful....especially with my glittery stuff on my eyes (his description for eyeshadow)." And I think in a way, I've used being his mother as an excuse to avoid love at all costs. I think I've justified that HE is my main responsibility so I don't have time for the emotional work that a relationship brings....OR I've done what I always do: I've opted for the SAFE risk. It's safe to love my son and put all my time and attention with him. He's my son. So I find a reason why it won't work with someone and throw myself into my son, friends and family. 

But this weekend I was kinda smacked in the face. Three friends set me straight. One friend told me I was my own worst relationship critic. Another friend told me I'm doing my usual: over-analyzing and worrying about things that may never happen. And the 3rd friend told me the reason I run from commitment/love and lose interest is b/c I don't give of myself. Gulp...hard to take. 

But the longer I thought about it, they are all right. I believe in others to fall in love and get married. I believe that there is a good guy out there for every woman who wants to be loved. I believe that God didn't design us to be alone, and wants us to have a healthy marriage and friendships. I believe that I am my worst critic and extremely harder on myself than I ever deserve. I believe that I over analyze and worry about things that won't happen. I believe that I've been trying to stop that but I'm not doing such a good job. And when I heard "you need to give of yourself and quit being so selfish" I thought he doesn't know what he's talking about.

I mean, I try to be that friend if you need a ride, I'm there. If you need to vent, I'm there. Even though I personally have my issues with relationship, I've been told I give good relationship advice. I smile and keep the party going when I don't feel like it. I try to encourage my friends....but then again, I give my friends everything but me. This 3rd friend was right. And you want to know how I know he was right? About 4 months ago I had dinner with my friends who have been married for a while. They said "T, we think you're awesome and we've watched you. You don't ever let anyone see how you truly feel. You give us all different pieces of you and think you have to be perfect. We just want you to be you. You don't have to be the life of the party if you don't want to. And we think it's BS that you don't have a great man in your life b/c you are a great woman and friend. We've watched you be "perfect" and we're here to tell you that as your friends, we love you. Exactly how you are. So you don't have to be avoid being you. We don't need a perfect friend. We know you don't want to be vulnerable but that's what you should be able to do with your friends and loved ones."

Talk about confirmation....But for the next two days I've thought "What do I need to do to give of myself?" And it hit me. I really don't need to do anything. My friends know they can count on me to DO whatever they need. But they don't know all parts of me b/c I don't want to BE vulnerable. Each person sees a different side of me, but it's only the side I allow them to see. 

So, how do I give myself is the question I'm still struggling with. I don't think it will magically appear. I think this is part of the lesson God's been dealing with me about: going thru the journey and still being joyful and steadfast and having faith. I need to not worry about what my friends and family's expectations are and worry about my REALISTIC ones. I need to be still and pray to ask God for direction. I need to ask God to heal something He didn't damage - the hurt from past relationships that I shouldn't have even been in. Thankfully, I see His hand in the healing but I have free will and need to do my part. They are all lessons if I don't repeat the same mistakes....let's see how it goes.....