Goodbye Summer.....Hello Fall, 

This summer was a summer full of many surprises and a host of "this is my first time for this"....This is me and the kiddo right before I left him at his first "away from home" camp. First, pictures can be so deceiving. LOL, we are both grinning but to be completely honest, I was nervous at the idea of leaving my kiddo with strangers WITHOUT ANY TECHNOLOGY TO CONTACT ME. He was grinning but he'd spent majority of the time explaining how he "just knew" he wouldn't like this outdoor camp.

Lesson learned. He had a blast and I was glad that he spent time away from home meeting new friends and being surrounded by camp counselors from all around the world. The even bigger lesson? We limit ourselves by comparing something new to what we are used to. In this world, you have to have faith to jump out and take a risk. We get so comfortable in our reality that we fail to do that.

Being a single mom has had some struggles. And there are times I've watched my child's self confidence dip. Being a mother of a man-child, he wants to "fit in" with the guys and be "one of the guys." And as a mother, you know when your child is lacking confidence. He'd gotten to that place and despite all of my efforts and positive affirmations and reminders of how great he was, it just didn't connect with him. But, after all, I'm mom. He went to this camp and camp back the self confident child he'd been before. And for the entire hour ride home, he talked about how great it was and then looked at me and said, "you know mom, I'm back. I feel like my old self." He was on cloud 9.

I often think back to that day as I watch him each day. And I'm super thankful that there are people who are called to speak positively into our lives. You never know who may need to hear it. I've always made sure to speak positive things into my child but sometimes, he needs that affirmation from someone else. So, the next time you feel the urge to affirm someone, do it. It can change their entire perspective.

Live, laugh, love...and enjoy every day of this life. You only get one.

I need my fix....... #Perception #Reality

Our perception is our reality, right? Or does our reality skew our perception?

I go with our perception is our reality. Oftentimes, we operate in the frame of what we perceive to be going on. We have all heard the saying, “Hindsight is 20/20.” Meaning, if you had known all the pieces of the facts in the beginning, then maybe a different choice would have been made. That different choice would have been made because your perception of the issue (or whatever you were facing) would have been different.

As a society, we have become addicted to highly sensationalized moments. We crave it in our news, TV shows and movies, magazines, books, music, social media and just about everything we come into contact with. We crave it and if it’s not present, then we are upset about how boring it is. Have we considered how this is shaping our perspective? How these sensationalized moments are shaping the way we define news, life, peace, love, politics, values, morals or lifestyles?

We have made celebrities lives’ an important part of our business and feel the need to become so consumed with their personal lives, how they live, what they buy, and then we try to compete with their lifestyles. When you take a step back, that’s the laughable part. We, majority of us, have significantly less than a celebrity yet we are spending our disposable income on material things that we see the celebrities with. As adults, we have now made choices to copy this lifestyle that we do not always have the capital for, to pacify us and have twisted it to begin to believe that “this” will make us feel better, more beautiful….more complete.

And in the meantime, we’ve shifted our culture. In the wrong direction (at least in my opinion). Now, I don’t feel that everything has shifted in the wrong direction….just a few things. Hear me out. We have more “reality” shows that are so far from the truth that we live on a day to day basis. And trust, I’m not judging. I’ve always said “reality shows” are my guilty pleasure. I don’t have any drama going on so it’s interesting to me to see what others have going on. But, when I took a moment to think about it, it was shaping my perception. Even though I wasn’t living it or experiencing it, I begin to slowly shift and notice that every moment that was peaceful was all of the sudden “boring.” Uh oh…..I’d now joined the 2LiveCrew and needed that sensationalized fix.

And the sad thing about that fix is, it’s not just in our reality shows. It’s in the news, we take it to work, we pass it along to our children, we infuse it into our relationships – business, personal, family, friendships, spiritual, and intimate relationships….we have made a culture of it. Even something as simple as our social media accounts reflect it. We skip over the “boring” posts. We have become infatuated with celebrity breakups. We take them personally. This is probably the dumbest thing to me, I’m sorry….but I’m not sorry. I've seen people UPSET about a breakup between two celebrities they've never met. And I’m looking around like, “am I the alien here?” First, a break up, especially a divorce, is hard as hell to deal with. Then throw in being put in the public eye. Most of us who have had a heartbreak, break up, or divorce have wanted to BURY ourselves underneath the covers for days, weeks, even months. I do not even want to imagine what it would be like to go thru it publicly. Yet, as they do, we become judge and jury as to “what happened in that private relationship.” We have made it our business to mind everyone else’s business…but our own.

And so here we are, our perception of life, love, business, and our morals have shifted. Our perception of what love should look like has become so sensationalized…there’s 50 million Pinterest pins, Facebook posts, Instagram pictures, and tweets about “what real love should look like.” Yet, we haven’t realized that we've taken intimate and private moments and have showcased them to tell people if YOUR love isn't like this….well, then it’s not love. We have taken SINGLE moments of success and told people if YOUR success doesn't follow this plan and timeline, well….then you’re losing. We've taken our child’s accomplishments and shouted that if YOUR child can’t do what mine can do, welp…..maybe you can get a refund. (Lol, sorry, had to throw that in there. We all know we can’t get refunds on these kiddos!). We have encouraged uniformity when it does not apply. We have convinced people that weight loss, love, success, happiness, great kids, a wonderful life, a fat bank account can all be achieved with these (insert a random number) few steps. The most important steps we've eliminated are time, hard work, patience and finding our own path to the things in life we desire. We've tried to sell the idea that everything is cookie cutter and we can achieve it if we follow the exact steps someone else traveled. 

That is not life. This is not life. Life has some boring moments. It has some still moments. Yes, celebrate the hell outta of those great moments. But live life realistically. Nope, we will not all be successful in every area of life at every moment. We will not have the most well behaved kids who excel in everything they start….well, ya’ll won’t but I will (just kidding). LOL. No, our relationships will not mirror a fairytale. And sometimes bad things will happen….you can’t always be on top. But our attitude, patience, work ethic, character and ability to center and balance ourselves is what will get us thru the journey. We need to slow down and realize that everything we come in contact with – social media, books, magazines, news, tv, movies, our circles of influence, work, church, everything – influences our perception. And the question we should be asking is “Am I on my over-sensationalized fix or am I filtering what I see, hear and am exposed to so that it feeds my soul, spirit, and my emotional and mental states?”

Live, laugh, love….and enjoy every day of this life. You only get one. 

Do I Know What I Want?

In life we've had these "dreams" and we often feel that if we make it "There" then it will be just what we want. Is the destination of the journey the SOLE benefit of what we want?

In each stage of my life, I've wanted different "things." At 15 years old, I couldn't wait to go to college so I could graduate and become a successful CEO who was able to hop on a plane and travel at a moment's notice. I wanted to fly and see the world. (And I still do). I wanted to enjoy every moment and thrill with the life I'd mapped out in my head. Yep.....I'd go to college, graduate and become CEO. Then at 25 I'd meet and fall in love with the man of dreams. Yea, not sure that I didn't realize that on your 25th birthday, you don't get a delivery of the Ideal Man to your CEO doorstep. Then we'd marry by the time I was 27 and have our first child by 30. I'd only have 3 kids. I mean....to be the hot wife, soccer mom, and uber successful CEO, three kids would be nothing to a superwoman like me.....But, life happened.

Got to college and had my first heartbreak. Whoa....didn't see that coming. But, I bounce back quick....or so I thought. Met my son's father, got pregnant, married and had the biggest blessing I've ever been blessed with. But the entire time, I felt ashamed. I didn't celebrate my pregnancy. You know why? Because it didn't come "as I had planned it." What I WISH someone had told me was, "Snap out of it. This child will be the best blessing ever. Enjoy every second." Instead I worried. I could write a blog of all the worries I had while pregnant. LOL. Which was time wasted. Mental note for those reading this....worrying IS time wasted. So fast forward....I have this "family" that came a little ahead of schedule but I can still be great. Then I get hit with that 2nd heartbreak. Life goes on and a few years later, I'm single again.

Success in my 20's (after having my son, after my marriage ended and I'm a single mom) still included me being a CEO. LOL, I laugh because I had NO idea what it was going to take to raise a little munchkin. I worked. I spent time with the munchkin. I went out and would dance the night away. I was Miss Social Butterfly. Miss Life of the Party. You see, I don't require alot of sleep. So I could spend time with my son, have a social life and work. However, towards the end of my 20's I realized that I had wasted time by just spinning my wheels. I was merely existing.

Entered my 30's and had my 3rd heartbreak. Devastating. I don't usually open up intimately or make myself vulnerable to everyone so when I do, it's heartbreaking when that trust is destroyed and I'm hurt. Yep, superwoman T is just like anyone else. However, out of that heartbreak was an unexpected blessing....I began to learn who I was and who I was evolving into. I'm 32 now and I'm STILL learning and there are some areas that I'm growing to be comfortable with. But success in my 30's consists of being an amazing mom who prepares that 10 year old munchkin to be an amazing young man, being a good person who is comfortable with herself, stop being so hard on myself, do what I know in my heart is right by me and my Creator, work hard to create a legacy and a healthy financial honey pot to enjoy, and to enjoy every single freakin day of my life.

Things I learned that have now become my truth: I cannot plan it all so I make plans, pray about it and move when I need to. I have a choice about my day and that choice is my attitude. I do not have to make changes to who I am just because I haven't "perfected" an area. Saying no is a good time when it's the right time. As much as it doesn't seem to love me back, I love love. But now, I want to go about it a different way. I don't have to answer to anyone but God....because no one else's opinions, advice, approval/disapproval has paid a single bill in my house.

My vision of success has evolved as I've matured (**cough cough** or shall we say "aged"). I have always been the person who LOVED goals. I loved to set them and accomplish them. Now.....all that in between stuff that's the process or journey....yea, ya'll can keep that. However, what I have learned is that "in between stuff" is what makes our life. Sure, we remember the highs and lows but what gets us there is the day to day.

So, do I know what I want? I have an idea but I will not limit myself ever again by making a list of what I want. Because if I make that list and I search for it, I will never find it. But.....what if something better finds me while I'm busy comparing that better to my list?

Some "friendly" reminders for INTERVIEWERS

Just so we are clear on any definitions:
An interview is a conversation between two people (the interviewer and the interviewee) where questions are asked by the interviewer to obtain information from the interviewee.
An interviewer  is a person who conducts an interview.
An interviewee is a person who is interviewed.
*************************************************************************************************************************
1. Please arrive on time to your scheduled interview. It looks bad for the interviewee when they arrive late however, it seems to be "acceptable" if the interviewer is late to the appointed time they delegated for the meeting. Please respect the time of others.

2. Please start an interview explaining or giving the job description. Interviewees would LOVE if they understood what the position was so they could honestly tell you if it would be a good fit. Most interviewers start off firing questions without explaining what they are seeking. How is one supposed to know what is expected of them if they are never told? Just a thought...

3. Please dress up for the interview. While the interviewee is usually aware that the company is "business casual" or just "casual", we still take the time to give you an awesome first impression by wearing the one and only "good Easter suit", please return the favor. You have your interviewee sweating buckets of sweat sitting there in a too tight suit while you are conducting an interview in a jogging suit. Yea...about that.....

4. Please be prepared for the interview. If the interviewee (who is usually going on more than one interview during a timeframe) can research and prepare, why should you come to an interview unprepared? At least spend 15 minutes BEFORE THE SCHEDULED appointment time reviewing their resume, forming questions, determining what you skills you are seeking, quality of employee you need for your operations, and the hiring process.

5. Have a conversation with the interviewee. This is an opportunity for you to talk about your company, company culture, job description and explain to the interviewee why they should desire to work for your company, what sets you aside from others in your industry, why you seek such a qualified candidate, etc

6. I never thought I'd have to say this but BE HONEST. Be honest with hours of operation, pay, job duties, etc. Why lie to convince someone to make a drastic life change and then get them hired to disappoint them and increase your chances of turnover? Set realistic expectations.

7. Let's not list positions on internet job boards if you A) Never hire from that site or B) the interviewee has to go thru a specific temp agency. Nothing more frustrating than seeing a job that you've applied for been open for the last 10 years. Either take the job down or go directly thru the temp agency. No need to dangle a carrot in front of the job seeker. They assume that since it's a job website, you're offering a job and will hire from the applicants who apply.

8. When inviting interviewees back for 2nd and 3rd round of interviews, can you include a line in that wonderful rejection letter that explains WHY they didn't get the job or some areas of improvement? They just spent a min of 3-5 hours with your company. I'm sure you could assist them with that small favor.

9. And last but not least, what is this game of "I'm not going to tell you what the salary range is but I want to lowball you so I want your expectations."? So, let me get this straight...You didn't tell me anything about the job or the position, going from your elaborate description my skills match yet you reject my salary range? Where did we go wrong? How about a new game of "Be upfront and say 'Here is the range of this position. Is that within your salary range? Is that workable for you?" No interviewee wants to play The Salary Tug of War. Trust me.

Most people seeking a job are usually spending full time hours trying to find the right job. All they would like is the mutual respect and nice impression that they try to convey to your company when they arrive to interview with your company. Another thing to remember is, alot of times, these interviewees are either your customers OR friends of your customers. Probably not a good idea give a bad customer experience....unless you're not in the customer service industry. Just some random thoughts....

Elle Varner's "Perfectly Imperfect"

I just remembered that I was supposed to do a review of Elle Varner's cd "Perfectly Imperfect." So, never mind the title was one of the titles that I almost named my blog...So LOVE the title. Can I keep it real with ya'll? Elle Varner's cd makes me want to fall in love AND STAY IN LOVE forever and ever. Yep. Of course, ya'll know that I've always loved "Refill" but she has so many songs on there that speak to me. Let's discuss "Sound Proof Room"...well, do we really need to? Lol, it reminds me of "Daydreaming and I'm thinking of you." Mostly because she's just saying what she would do IF she ever got him alone. And of course, I've loved "Only Wanna Give it to You." Ladies, how many times have you seen that guy that you'd be perfectly happy with. Just him. Then you have "I Don't Care" and "Not Tonight"...I think I enjoy it so much because I completely relate. As social and outgoing as I am, the thought of approaching a man that I'm interested in is somewhat intimidating. That's probably why I "friendzone" alot of men who aren't bold enough to approach me. I don't do it purposely, it's sometimes safer and if he isn't the kind to pull me out of my shell, then that's where he goes. #Honest. Then there is "Leaf" such a simple, carefree beat and her voice is so sultry. I instantly start swaying when I hear this song. I love how this song talks about standing by and being there for her man. "Lighter than a leaf in your pocket, I will be there." Classic. And let's not forget the social butterfly and Ms. Life of the Party I am, so of course, "Oh What a Night" speaks to me. I am not a drinker but I imagine this is probably what I would say if I was. LOL. Now, "Stop the Clock" = been there, done that. "If you're looking for me I'm the stupid girl, with a joyless smile in her own sad world. Walking nowhere all alone without a sense of time on a cold dark street on a cold dark night, sayin This will be the last time. I will let you keep me on sideline. They say insanity is doing all the same things. And thinking that you're gonna get a different ending." I know I've been there and a few of my girlfriends have. Completely relate to it. And of course, one of my favs, "Welcome Home" discusses how all she needed was that man who was her man, lover and best friend who accepted her and her flaws and remind her Welcome Home. All she ever needed was love. Isn't that what we all need? Then there's "Damn Good Friends" that speaks to that situation where you want more but he's cool with being friends. And she closes it out with "So Fly" where she says "I can't help being depressed when I look down at my chest. Oh yes, my chest it might as well be nonexistent. How can I ever compete With 34 double D's? And I'm rollin my eyes when I look down at my thighs. They might as well tape everything that I eat to my legs. I am too broke for the knife, too lazy to excercise. But if I had hazel eyes, maybe I could be fly." Totally puts things in perspective, huh?

I LOVE this cd. It embodies femininity yet adds that special little quirk that most of us have. I completely relate to it. Matter of fact, I think she grabbed some of these words out of my head because I KNOW some of these have to be my thoughts ;-). The other thing I love is the passion behind the lyrics. You actually believe that these are her thoughts to MY, excuse me, her real life lyrics. I love it when I get this much emotion and feeling out of a cd. Anyway, I love the cd and can completely relate and pretty sure I've lived a few of those moments in my life. Enjoy it....

Opening up...

Let's see....

Have you ever been hurt that the blur of your tears offered no solace for the breaking of your heart? They say that you can only feel pain in one area...I disagree. When my heart broke, my mind and logic hurt as well. And if we are being completely honest, my soul cried out louder than the sound of my breaking heart.

You ever look into the eyes of someone you truly loved with all your being and know with all your intellect that they were lying to you while hoping in your heart you could find an excuse to say they are telling the truth?

You ever wonder what "that life" would have been like?

You ever look at your life and feel like a humongous failure? Did you ever look at your life and wonder how you got there? Did you retrace your steps and feel lost on how someone once so driven and ambitious could feel like a loser?

You ever feel like you can't be where you should be in life? You ever feel like you have all these good intentions but they don't land you where you dream you should be? 

Have you ever tried to be a "good and open" person just to be used by someone who you believed wouldn't hurt you or use you?

Have you ever had to go hungry? Ever been without? Ever lost a job? Ever lost a best friend, lover or family member?

You ever look at your body and hate that despite your efforts, you just can't get that look you want?

You ever see that guy/girl you want so bad and have that opportunity with them only to find out that they don't want you like that? You ever just want to be with someone b/c you are tired of being alone? Tired of being lonely and upset about the ones that do approach you?

What was YOUR lowest point?

In my deepest of hurts, I felt alone. I felt lonely and I felt hurt. I felt cheated. I felt like screaming "Why me?!!!!?!!!" while carrying a smile and putting on my brave big girl face. I have felt like having a breakdown but get a call from a friend who is hurting so I wiped my tears and scheduled my breakdown for another time.

I've been the superwoman. I've been the friend/lover/partner that everyone could rely on. But, there were times that I wondered who would motivate me while I've been busy motivating and encouraging others. Who would be my oasis while I provide that solace to those close to me. Who would be there for me and allow me to be vulnerable? Intimate? Open? Trusting? Who?

And for a while, I tried to fill this void with who I was in love with. I tried to make one person be my oasis. But, one thing I had to learn is that people will disappoint you. Not always because they want to but just because, they can't be everything you need or want. They probably have their own issues. Or maybe in this wonderful age of technology, the call didn't go thru and they didn't know you were crying out. Whatever it is, as humans, we are not perfect.

This year I've decided to walk closer in my spiritual relationship with God. Am I perfect? Nope. Do I still mess up? Yes, daily. But I get up every day and I try again and again. And for someone who always desired to be Miss Perfect, that's a big step for me.

I don't have all the answers and for once in my life, I'm not searching for all of them. The past few months for me have been some of the most trying months of my life. But one thing that I finally started to believe in and rely on was my faith. I've always believed in faith but I've actually had to "activate my faith" as most would say. It became more than a thought or words that you just merely say...it became an action and a guide for my life. I'm thankful for my relationship with God. I'm thankful that in my darkest hours of my life, I have someone to turn to...Someone who will just listen to me cry late at night. Someone who won't judge me for smiling during the day and crying when I'm alone. I'm thankful for the comfort I receive. I'm thankful.

And because I'm thankful and realize that I now have to take steps into the right direction, I've decided that I have to make some adult decisions. I have to not only believe I deserve better in all areas of my life...but i have to DO better in all areas of my life. And, for this journey...I'm ready. I'm excited. I'm at peace (for the first time in my life).

So, I can't promise that my journey that I share with you will be on the straight and narrow. I have to be me. But I do promise that it will be an open and transparent journey. I will share who I truly am because I believe in being yourself. I believe that my walk with God may at times, be the only Bible that some see...on my bad days, I cringe at the thought. Mostly because I know He's not done with me and I don't ever want someone to view me as hypocritical or judge me or wait to see me fail and fall. I don't want to be that Christian who you hear cuss and then say "Christians are hypocrites and bad people." But on my good days, I smile that I may be the only Bible that some have. That maybe, they see that God loves them for who they are, where they are and for what they are. He's more in love with you how you are today because He knows the plans He has for you. And those plans are never for failure but for hope and a future. (My fav verse Jeremiah 29:11).

So be patient with me. Understand that I am someone who hates to be vulnerable to anyone. I hate to make mistakes. I hate to feel that I'm inferior or have to rely on someone and not be able to get it myself. But know that I love learning about new things and people. Once I open up to you, I'm one of the most loving and caring people you can have on your side. I love being loyal and spending time with those who I love. I love to hear people laugh and smile. I love being that sign of hope for someone else. Know that I am not close to perfect but understand I want to do better in all areas of my life. And while I would love to do better in ALL areas all at once, it probably won't happen that way. So while you may believe that I haven't changed, it may be that I'm changing in another area...And maybe my change is none of your business or concern. The one I'm changing for KNOWS my areas of improvement and won't judge me.

You....

Oh...these thoughts I'm having. Quite unladylike yet so woman like.

Was it what you said or did? Or was it the sheer mind of my fantasy unveiling it's desires.

You. It's got to be you.

The way your cologne hugs your skin and leaves a trail so that I catch that scent just at the right time. You know that time right? That time when I've convinced myself I don't have to give into these intimate thoughts.

The way your arms are sculpted and are strong enough to hold me. Just wrap me in them and I can lay my head in that spot that was designed for me. Designed to give me that break from all the daily, non stop activities that require my attention. You know that spot....it's riiiiiight there in the crook of your neck between your neck and your shoulder....

And what about those hands? The way your hands carefully mold my body into your playground for your desire. You hold that power right there in your hand. I feel that your fingerprints are tattooed all over my body....leaving a trail of you....leaving a sign that shouts "Do not trespass...this is MY property." You hands can smooth away any tension...provide the security of feeling your grip tighten around me...provide the pleasure of tickling any spot you see is in need...provide that tender touch of lifting my chin up to your face to allow your lips to kiss my lips.

Oh, your lips? Oooooweeee, those lips...they have to be the sweetest taste. Your lips give me life. When you kiss me, I feel completely naked. But not in a shameful way. I feel elevated and exposed for your pleasure. That kiss....oh yes sir, that kiss is my choice of drug. It lingers on my lips as you playfully bite my lower lip. For some reason, when you kiss me, although you give me life, you take my breath away at the same time. I feel light-headed....I feel giddy. I feel your hands come to the small of my back and what I feel next is ecstasy. I feel my body tremble. I open my eyes to make sure I'm still here and then I see your eyes.

Your eyes have got to be the windows to your soul. Because in there, I see my value to you. I see the desire that you have to make sure I'm cherished and taken care of. Your eyes flutter open and clearly tell me that this is the only time I'm allowed to come up for air. I see your then show a hungry look of desire. You clearly have some fantasies that you'd like to see become a reality....and I want to ensure that happens.

But right now, I don't know how to get your attention as you hold the door and you are still a stranger. You see...these thoughts merely came from the brief contact of my fingertips grazing yours when you caught that door to hold it open as I walked through it. We're two strangers. Maybe we'll meet again. Maybe we won't. Maybe you'll be that man that I "let get away" because I was too naive to know....Maybe you'll make the first move to start me on your path to forever. If not........I'll just blush, smile and say "thank you for holding the door, sir" while wanting to say "you could also hold my heart if YOU asked."

29...wow you were fine. But NOW, it's FLIRTY 30!

So, I believe 29 has been a pretty good year filled with some good lessons...

Lesson 1 - Cherish the time with your kids and partner. I've learned so much from my son. It's amazing what you can learn from your kids if you look at the world from a child's eye.


Lesson 2 - I asked a guy out...not really a fan of doing that so I'll stick to what I know and that is letting a man ask me out

Lesson 3 - I walked away from somethings and people I never thought I would but I did it ;-) Know when to cut your losses. Know when to walk to make sure you don't lose...


Lesson 4 - having a close, intimate spiritual relationship with God is alot better than being religious.

Lesson 5 -  be prepared to be an adult. Meaning you need to follow up and follow thru on your commitments. Be responsible. Do the right thing even when the wrong thing feels better.


Lesson 6 - laugh...like throw your head back and laugh so loud.

Lesson 7 - smile....and show some teeth

Lesson 8 - give people their flowers while they are alive and can smell them. Why do we wait to let people know we appreciate them? Why wait to tell someone you appreciate/love them? I don't want everyone to share their sentiments of me at my funeral....tell me now while I can appreciate them....or grow & learn from them.

Lesson 9 - make time for your sisters...even if you have different interests, spend time with your sisters. There may be a time when you have a broken heart that they may be there making you feel like is normal without saying a word.

Lesson 10 make time for your friends...especially your girlfriends. These are the people that should be there for you thru thick and thin, the ones you can laugh with, cry in front of, be real/honest, be vulnerable with, shop with, watch movies with, eat dinner with, hang out with, see ya without your make up on, help you slide....ok, pull that spanxx on, tell you when your hair is a hot mess and then hand you a glass of wine...These ladies should be a part of your support group and core.

Lesson 11 - make your career a priority. Whether you are a stay at home mom, military service member, high profile businesswoman, a retail employee, or whatever you do...do your best and master your craft and industry.

Lesson 12 - change it up. Variety is the spice of life. Learn to be flexible: professionally, sexually, intimately, and with your time/commitments. Don't be so rigid. Very few things go as you plan them. Learn to adapt to what is thrown at you.

Lesson 13 -avoid debt at all costs

Lesson 14 - I've learned to make reasonable goals for the upcoming year and not be so dead set on making it happen without considering the circumstances or situation I'm in. Yes, I'd love to save 5k in one year but if I have a huge unexpected financial situation come up, I need to be able to adjust my goals. It's okay. No one is judging ;-)

Lesson 15 - Quit judging! I've realized that I don't want to be judged so I need to make sure I don't judge anyone else. You don't know what people have gone thru or are going thru as to why they make the decisions or take the actions they do. And even if you do, it's not your place to judge someone else's life or choices. Be more concerned about what's going on in your life.

Lesson 16 - Quit worrying! Focus on what you can do...then do it! Why worry over something you have no control over?

Lesson 17 - Be grateful. Show gratitude in all things. Have a spirit of thanksgiving in all situations. You don't have to be thankful FOR all situations (like, who is thankful for bad things happening to them?) but keep a spirit of thanksgiving.

Lesson 18 - I've learned that a positive attitude will get you a lot farther in life. Try to find the good in any situation.

Lesson 19 - You always have a choice....always. It may not be the desired choice, but you have a choice. And by not choosing to decide is making a choice.

Lesson 20 - Hug a little more. Give more kisses. Be affectionate. You may have been hurt in the past...but that doesn't mean it'll continue into your future.

Lesson 21 - Listen to your inner voice. It's God's voice guiding you.

Lesson 22 - Quit saving your best perfume/dress/outfit/shoes/china for some "perfect day"...Perfect days aren't able to be planned...they are lived.

Lesson 23 - Time waits for no man/woman so if you see something OR someone that should be yours, go for it. Make a plan and put it in motion. Don't sit back. Live life because if you don't now, you won't have the opportunity once it passes or once you pass away! Go for it!

Lesson 24 - Get in front of the camera! Take pictures but make sure you're in some of them!

Lesson 25 - Learn your body. Be comfortable in your body. Learn what looks good on your body. Buy clothes for the body you have right NOW. Don't buy something in hopes of losing/gaining weight.

Lesson 26 - Exercise daily. Make sure you take care of your body. Watch what you eat. Use lotion. Know what scents smell good on you.

Lesson 27 - Learn to get away from the commotion and just be still. Pray, meditate, have quiet time, enjoy simple things, marvel at nature, read...just get away from the commotion and feed your soul and get centered.

Lesson 28 - Love with all you have. Live with no regrets. If it's something that once made you happy and now it pisses you off, don't regret it. Just stop doing it.

Lesson 29 - Be the woman you want your son to marry or the woman you want your daughter to be.

Lesson 30 - Realize that you are not one dimensional. Realize that although you may be a mother/wife/best friend/CEO/employee/employer/sister/aunt, your always a woman. Celebrate who you are. Be in love with yourself.

Lesson 31 - Never stop learning.If you stop learning, you will become extinct. You will cease to exist and you will become obsolete.

Lesson 32 - Learn the difference between intimacy and sex.

Lesson 33 - Know that you should be able to have a stimulating intellectual conversation. Also know you're not always going to have those intellectual conversations, there will be some an "ain't shit" superficial conversations.

Lesson 34 - Learn that you are competent and smart enough to make your own decisions. You're an adult; you don't need anyone else's permission to live your life.

Lesson 35 - Do something sexy. Make a sexy face. Walk sexy. Take a sexy picture. Just do something sexy. At least once a week ;-) until you graduate to once a hour! lol

Lesson 36 - Joke. And do it daily. Don't take everything so seriously. Remember the saying: "Live, laugh, love"? That's real life!

Lesson 37 - Do something charitable for someone else. This world is not just about you nor does it revolve around you. Learn that there is more to this life than being self centered.

Lesson 38 - Take a trip. Quit waiting for the "right time." Set aside some money and go. Even if it's 2 hours away. Get away.

Lesson 39 - On your off day, spend at least 30 more minutes lounging in your bed. Enjoy that sleeping in? I knew you would. ;-)

Lesson 40 - Make time for yourself. Get your hair done. Get a pedicure (no one likes rough feet tearing up their sheets!). Get a massage.

Lesson 41 - Keep health insurance. If your job doesn't offer it, get an individual plan. Nonetheless, keep continuous health insurance.

Lesson 42 - Spend quality time with your kids. And if you don't have any, spend some quality time in a kid's life. This next generation needs us to give them guidance. If it's not your kid, find a kid to mentor. Show them what a man/woman should be like. You have no excuse. My motto is: Each one reach one to teach one.

Lesson 43 - Yes, single parents have it hard. So please, realize it DOES take a village to raise a child. And you, yes YOU, are part of a village. Even as hard as single parents have it, married couples have it hard as well. Raising kids is a challenge, whether you're married or single...so help out.

Lesson 44 - If you're going thru a hard time, give. If you're broke, give. Seems crazy huh? Nope. If you aren't giving and blessing others because you are holding on so tightly to what you have, you won't make room for God to pour out blessings into your hand because you're holding on too tight to what you have. Open your heart and bless someone. And btw, all blessings aren't financial. ;-) Give your time, knowledge, clothing, etc...I'm sure you can find something to give.

Lesson 45 - Don't compromise your integrity. Be ethical. Do the right thing. Be honest. If you find you haven't been, then immediately do the right thing.

Lesson 46 - Charity starts at home...so does success. You don't want to be a public success and a private failure. Make sure your family and house is taken care of and in order. Your first obligation is to your family.


Lesson 47 - Don't stoop to a vindictive ex's level. You're better than that.


Lesson 48 - You don't have to be an audience to everyone's show. Every comment doesn't need your reply or opinion. Learn some self control. Learn to walk away from fools.


Lesson 49 - Being proud and stubborn can be a good thing or a bad thing. We often don't know when it's a bad thing until it's too late. Be sure to check your motives on why you're doing what you're doing.

Lesson 50 - Live your life. Don't hold back. Enjoy every moment. Learn that life is about the journey and the process we go thru. Often times we're super excited when we start something and when we complete it however, the most frustrating part is the in between time. Learn to appreciate that. Grow from the process. Live each day and don't hold back!

This last year of my 20's has been a great year. I've grown in some areas of my life that I never imagined. I'm super excited about my 30's and what they will bring me. I've said it before, I do not plan on making the same mistakes in my 30's that I did in my 20's! But I'm thankful for those mistakes because I now have the experience to help me navigate thru my life.

As I'm entering my 30's, I feel a sense of confidence I've never truly felt before. I'm confident in me. I am comfortable with me. I like who I am. It's a different feeling that I've ever felt. I don't feel like a young adult or kid who needs someone's permission or validation....I'm a woman who is confident in the decisions I make. I realize that this is my life and I'm accountable for the decisions I make. And I like that...I also like this new sense of sexiness I'm feeling as I turn "FLIRTY 30!!!!"

Good bye

Good bye.
Good bye Lover.
I've realized that I'm not designed for THIS. I've realized that I was designed for greater. I've realized that the lies you've fabricated were often covered with fleeting moments of laughter, sparkly gifts and broken, never fulfilled promises of a better moment to come.

You've meant me no good. You've told me that there is nothing I can do to make you love me because the reason you love me is what you can do for me. An elaborate answer to say "I control this love."

Every ounce of love you had was conditional. And to think you were the first glimpse I had into what falling in love was like.

I see I'll have to redefine my definition you so manipulatively whispered as sweet nothings into my ear. Sweet nothings. That's exactly what I was given. When you look at the big picture, it was nothing but at the moment it was sweet. Bittersweet sweet nothings.

Good bye.
Good bye Lover.

To explain all the damage you've caused, it'd take more than this pen and paper. It'd take triple the time I spent with you. To explain all the vulnerabilities you exploited would require you to have been genuine in your declaration to love me.

You weren't. And maybe that's what hurts. Maybe that is what makes me feel numb. The entire time I worked to make myself better. I worked to be what I was looking for. I worked to be what YOU were looking for. I worked to ease your hurts and provide a nonjudgmental loft where you could be you. No questions asked. No answers required. Just honesty. Just peace and love.

Love is patient and kind. But you were not....only wanted me to do what you wanted. You were kind initially but as situations presented themselves, your anger and resentment grew.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. But you were. You boasted on what you did for me. You ridiculed me for thinking you were against me when you claimed to be the only one there for me. Your pride caused so many hurt moments and lonely nights.

It does not demand its own way. Your way was the only right way to you. Your way was the only way we could make it and yet.....here we are. Separated. Non-existent.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. You were irritable and in your book, I had the longest record of what I did wrong.

It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

So everything I've been taught what "love" is, you are not. You were not. You have not. You will not. You did not. Funny, I was taught what love was but allowed you to redefine it.

I thought that I was special to you. I thought that I actually meant more than what I thought I meant to you. I believed you. I guess this was one of those times I take the loss.

Goodbye.
Goodbye Lover.

When does this stop?

So when does THIS stop? When?

At what point do you understand what I'm saying?

I feel that I've done the right thing....yet you continue to find another way to hurt me. Say something mean. Do something to be a jerk.

The biggest problem you have is that you now see my actions match my words. I don't wish you any harm. I just want to go on with my life. I don't care who's right or wrong. Choices were made and I did what I needed to do to survive.

But....why is that wrong? How is that any different than what you do...or have been doing? Is it unfair b/c I realize that since you aren't the one for me, I should leave and be available for that one?

Or would you like me to remain on this rollercoaster ride? Pretending I'm having a blast? Screaming....not from pure joy but pure terror.

When does it stop?

I've avoided hurting you as much as possible...yet, I'm punished for walking away. I'm thought of to be the worst person in the world. You find a reason to wedge yourself in my life.

But this time, I won't apologize for my decision. I left b/c I had to lose myself to love you and now I have to lose you to love myself. Your definition of love is dysfunction and a vicious cycle of super highs and super lows.

No matter what you think or say about me, you're upset that I left. I understand that. But if you won't give me what I want, why should I continue to stay so you can have your cake and eat it too?

I'm more than a person to be used at your disposal. I'm more than some woman that you've molded to love you, treat you, talk to you the way you want. I'm more than what you've given me credit for. I'm this great person when you're happy with me and then I'm this negative, pessimistic person when you're pissed at me....so what is it?

Never mind, don't bother answering...b/c I've discovered who I am.

I don't need you to validate me. I don't need you to encourage me. I don't need to listen to you for direction.

I've found what I needed within me. Thank you for the good times and memories. Thank you for the bad times b/c they have shown me that it's not what I want in my life.

I don't deserve what you did....but I needed it to see who you really are. I see who you really are. And that is what I'm going to believe. Because you have consistently been inconsistent.

So with all that being said....let me live my life in peace. If you aren't adding value to my life, please keep yourself from me. I stay in my lane, why can't you stay in yours?

I never thought you'd ever do what you did...never thought you'd turn out to be this monster....I never thought....and that probably broke my heart more than anything else....