Good bye

Good bye.
Good bye Lover.
I've realized that I'm not designed for THIS. I've realized that I was designed for greater. I've realized that the lies you've fabricated were often covered with fleeting moments of laughter, sparkly gifts and broken, never fulfilled promises of a better moment to come.

You've meant me no good. You've told me that there is nothing I can do to make you love me because the reason you love me is what you can do for me. An elaborate answer to say "I control this love."

Every ounce of love you had was conditional. And to think you were the first glimpse I had into what falling in love was like.

I see I'll have to redefine my definition you so manipulatively whispered as sweet nothings into my ear. Sweet nothings. That's exactly what I was given. When you look at the big picture, it was nothing but at the moment it was sweet. Bittersweet sweet nothings.

Good bye.
Good bye Lover.

To explain all the damage you've caused, it'd take more than this pen and paper. It'd take triple the time I spent with you. To explain all the vulnerabilities you exploited would require you to have been genuine in your declaration to love me.

You weren't. And maybe that's what hurts. Maybe that is what makes me feel numb. The entire time I worked to make myself better. I worked to be what I was looking for. I worked to be what YOU were looking for. I worked to ease your hurts and provide a nonjudgmental loft where you could be you. No questions asked. No answers required. Just honesty. Just peace and love.

Love is patient and kind. But you were not....only wanted me to do what you wanted. You were kind initially but as situations presented themselves, your anger and resentment grew.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. But you were. You boasted on what you did for me. You ridiculed me for thinking you were against me when you claimed to be the only one there for me. Your pride caused so many hurt moments and lonely nights.

It does not demand its own way. Your way was the only right way to you. Your way was the only way we could make it and yet.....here we are. Separated. Non-existent.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. You were irritable and in your book, I had the longest record of what I did wrong.

It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

So everything I've been taught what "love" is, you are not. You were not. You have not. You will not. You did not. Funny, I was taught what love was but allowed you to redefine it.

I thought that I was special to you. I thought that I actually meant more than what I thought I meant to you. I believed you. I guess this was one of those times I take the loss.

Goodbye.
Goodbye Lover.