When does this stop?

So when does THIS stop? When?

At what point do you understand what I'm saying?

I feel that I've done the right thing....yet you continue to find another way to hurt me. Say something mean. Do something to be a jerk.

The biggest problem you have is that you now see my actions match my words. I don't wish you any harm. I just want to go on with my life. I don't care who's right or wrong. Choices were made and I did what I needed to do to survive.

But....why is that wrong? How is that any different than what you do...or have been doing? Is it unfair b/c I realize that since you aren't the one for me, I should leave and be available for that one?

Or would you like me to remain on this rollercoaster ride? Pretending I'm having a blast? Screaming....not from pure joy but pure terror.

When does it stop?

I've avoided hurting you as much as possible...yet, I'm punished for walking away. I'm thought of to be the worst person in the world. You find a reason to wedge yourself in my life.

But this time, I won't apologize for my decision. I left b/c I had to lose myself to love you and now I have to lose you to love myself. Your definition of love is dysfunction and a vicious cycle of super highs and super lows.

No matter what you think or say about me, you're upset that I left. I understand that. But if you won't give me what I want, why should I continue to stay so you can have your cake and eat it too?

I'm more than a person to be used at your disposal. I'm more than some woman that you've molded to love you, treat you, talk to you the way you want. I'm more than what you've given me credit for. I'm this great person when you're happy with me and then I'm this negative, pessimistic person when you're pissed at me....so what is it?

Never mind, don't bother answering...b/c I've discovered who I am.

I don't need you to validate me. I don't need you to encourage me. I don't need to listen to you for direction.

I've found what I needed within me. Thank you for the good times and memories. Thank you for the bad times b/c they have shown me that it's not what I want in my life.

I don't deserve what you did....but I needed it to see who you really are. I see who you really are. And that is what I'm going to believe. Because you have consistently been inconsistent.

So with all that being said....let me live my life in peace. If you aren't adding value to my life, please keep yourself from me. I stay in my lane, why can't you stay in yours?

I never thought you'd ever do what you did...never thought you'd turn out to be this monster....I never thought....and that probably broke my heart more than anything else....